One of my nearest and dearest is going through a very hard time. After meeting an awesome man, establishing a friendship and falling for him, they finally realized they were good together and embarked on a relationship. It appeared to be everything they could ask for.
They broke up last week after a year and a bit. They broke up because their short-term goals can't be reconciled. He is moving halfway across the world because of an amazing job opportunity and, though she isn't averse to moving, for career reasons she needs to get farther along in her field (in the UK) for at least five years.
His side:
He doesn't feel he is in a position to ask her to abandon her goals and move for him.
He knows she deserves more than a long-distance boyfriend, so he won't suggest it.
He believes they could work together, but is a realist and doesn't want her to wonder "what if" in the future.
Her side:
It took her this long to find him. She can't believe it is over and for such an insignificant reason.
She would move if he asked her to, providing there was a compromise on timelines.
She knows they could be so good together, but she won't beg him to give it a chance.
I don't know what to say to her. I know she feels terrible and thinks about the situation a lot. She isn't the mopey type so she is putting on her gameface and going about her business like she isn't tearing up inside.
I am trying to focus her attention on the bigger picture and bring some realism into the situation.
Bottom line: he didn't want it enough to make it work.
He might realize he made a mistake later on, and he might not but I am here to give my friend the realist's view - which she already knows on some level. It got me thinking of all the things we say we can't do (for varied reasons) that are us just not wanting it enough to try.
I thought about myself - always wishing I could save at least 30% of my salary, but not doing so. Immediately, I set up a payroll allotment for a sum that will put my monthly savings at 30% of gross income. This is huge for me because I haven't had a payrise, I just got back from vacation and I have another coming up in 3 months. I want to be forced to live on 32% of my income (rent is about 20%, taxes are 18%) and succeed at it. I want it, and I mean to get it so it is time to walk the walk.
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Life Lessons: Wanting It Enough
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
"Bottom line: he didn't want it enough to make it work."
thats the comment i disagree with. What about her; does she want it enough to make it work. Is it realistic that he abandons his dreams for her. You say she is ready to move if the timeline is right.
I dont know if your friend has told her man this, but i am sure that any reasonable guy will not be averse to a timeline that makes sense and they will both not end up spending years in a proxy relationship..
@Anonymous: She told him she was willing to move in a few years. Sorry if that wasn't clear from my post.
That's my basis for saying he didn't want it enough to make it work you see. The compromise she suggested was a modified timeline where they both reassess and adapt - i.e. he moves a few years later and she moves a few years earlier.
Post a Comment